Heaven

I've decided (after a combination of much reflection, prayer, pleading, and reading) that we are given big losses to:

1. Test our mettle and see if we break
2. Open our hearts wider for compassion and understanding
3. Force you to really appreciate every moment

The correct answer is all of the above. There is not a day that goes by where my babies don't pop up in some fashion in my brain or heart. I realize that few people realize this, and I am forever trying to cultivate compassion (or at least harness the rage or disappointment that leaps up at times) for those close to me, who just don't get it, as well as to cultivate acceptance.

Mother's Day is particularly acute, for all the obvious reasons. Children with dead mothers, and mothers with dead children. We all have some suffering on this day. Having said that, I don't regret those short pregnancies one bit. In fact, I treasure those brief months when I got to be connected by that cord to living breathing people, tiny and not fully formed, but humans nonetheless.

So for all those childless mothers, and those motherless children, I salute you on this day. Cry, laugh. We are alive, and they are up there, having a party.

Sisters

Relationships with our sisters are one of the most essential, complex, satisfying, and difficult...depending on the moment in our lives or time of the month. My baby sister and I don't get to spend enough time together, and that has been the case for years...ever since I left home.

She's grown into a remarkable woman, who I admire more than I can express to her (without sounding totally over the top). She's brave, smart, beautiful, strong (as in triathalon fuerte), and has a heart with more love and patience that Mother Theresa. Because while Mother Theresa was a saintly woman in Calcutta helping the poor, she didn't raise two boys and watch over my parents, while teaching math to first generation college students. I think my sister rocks.

So I learned today she loves tres leches (oh the things I don't know about her!), as we chowed down at El Charro's downtown. I'm going to make her a rocking one when they visit this summer. Here is to my sweet baby sis.

Dance

So the combination of Michelle Obama's Let's Move campaign and dancing (plus adorable kids) is pretty irrestible. Beyonce did this video to support the First Lady's effort, and I would love to try some of these moves in a zumba class (minus those heels, ouch!).

Fun!

Home

I'm back in the desert, soaking up all the love and sunshine I can...spring in the desert is one of the most beautiful things to behold, flowering yellow palo verde trees, octotillos topped off with red flame flowers, lots of birds singing their heads off.

Content.

Work around

I love the online version of the New York Times. Love. It. So when the editors announced that they were going to set up a big fat pay wall, I waited and watched. It failed the last time, but alas, the pay wall is up. Grr. Information wants to be free. I am also cheap.

However, I discovered a work around. A lovely free news app on my phone that allows you a way in to all that delicious content.

Wanna know what it is?

Vulnerable connection

Being a leader means many things, but I don't think it ever occurred to me that being vulnerable would be one of them. Always something new to learn about myself....

This is just brilliant.

Spring has sprung

Last time I was here we were in the depth of winter, and now we are in the throes of Lent and spring time. Time flies.

Since then, a lot of good things have happened.

My foot (the one operated on) is continuing to be pain-free, and I'm able to walk/run without any pain a few times a week at the park. It's fantastic, and I try to never take pain-free steps for granted.

I've deepened my yoga practice to an almost daily ritual, all thanks to a yoga workshop where the teacher told us - just do one pose a day. Do a dog a day! The permission and encouragement just to do something was what I needed. I've been watching all these yoga DVDs from the library to inspire and guide my home practice. I've discovered some fabulous teachers at Peoples Yoga, and do my weekly yin yoga class with Suniti to get myself grounded in the most relaxing way. Yoga must release the same endorphins as running.

The big fun outings of the winter were doing the Audubon raptor road trip with the Gladys and Gonzalito. We got to see 4 bald eagles, and the kids were so excited by birding, which was a surprise. A delightful surprise. Good to know Mother Nature can still trump television and video games in the wonder department for children, even city kids. The funnest outing of all was spending the day on Mount Hood snowshoeing. Our first time and a total blast. We had snow ball fights, made snow angels, drank Mexican hot chocolate, and just had a ball. I loved the white mountain silence, tall trees....the peace of it, only interrupted by my beautiful family's laughter. What a gift.

Spring temps have meant that the garden is blooming, and we've been gardening away. I've planted peas, spinach and Italian parsley seeds, so far. We've got a bed ready for asparagus (Gladys' pick). I've given Gladys her own spot to garden....she's picked out her crops and designed the bed as only an artist would. That is my girl.