Heaven

I've decided (after a combination of much reflection, prayer, pleading, and reading) that we are given big losses to:

1. Test our mettle and see if we break
2. Open our hearts wider for compassion and understanding
3. Force you to really appreciate every moment

The correct answer is all of the above. There is not a day that goes by where my babies don't pop up in some fashion in my brain or heart. I realize that few people realize this, and I am forever trying to cultivate compassion (or at least harness the rage or disappointment that leaps up at times) for those close to me, who just don't get it, as well as to cultivate acceptance.

Mother's Day is particularly acute, for all the obvious reasons. Children with dead mothers, and mothers with dead children. We all have some suffering on this day. Having said that, I don't regret those short pregnancies one bit. In fact, I treasure those brief months when I got to be connected by that cord to living breathing people, tiny and not fully formed, but humans nonetheless.

So for all those childless mothers, and those motherless children, I salute you on this day. Cry, laugh. We are alive, and they are up there, having a party.