I've decided that for me somehow being 44 means I'm taking this long view backwards and forwards of my life. Looking at choices made and not made, paths and twists and everything in the road. Looking at the right now. Trying to figure out what I want and what makes sense.
I've no idea if other people in their 40s do this. It seems like the right moment for me, because life sometime slaps you across the face to get your attention. At 43 I felt pistol-whipped. At 44 I'm licking wounds and paying better attention.
At no time in my life have I ever had such a profound sense of loss or the fragility of each moment, as I do now. Not in some morbid or anguished way...just in the matter-of-fact way that I suspect Buddhists look at life. Attachment causes suffering, and the present moment is really all you've got. Most of us are too busy being attached and focusing on the past or future to really appreciate the present.
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Some very deep thinking. We all made mistakes - some really serious, but we go on - no choice. You are right - we all are too busy, sometimes doing nothing, to take the time to enjoy the moment. Right now!!!
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