I'd didn't exactly time this, but I seem to be reading books about people in the throes of grief. Extremely loud was a book about two generations of a family coping with grief, and now I'm reading The Road, which is about a father and son coping with grief and survival. Not happy books, but I'm grappling with loss....so it seems...fitting.
The scent of jasmine blooming near the front door reminds me of this same time last year, when I was joyfully pregnant and so attuned to my heightened sense of smell that I could detect a jasmine bush down the block. Last year I remember sitting on the couch with the window open and being intoxicated by the scent, which is one of the gifts this baby gave me...temporarily.
The rose bush we planted for this baby is blooming and growing upwards towards the sun. A reminder that this child would have been growing taller by the day and more beautiful. Painful and beautiful reminders of a child never born.
The anniversary of the miscarriage is approaching, and I've scheduled it as any other day....am I trying to pretend it away? Deny its power over my routine? I'm not quite sure how my brain is strategizing this whole thing.
Anatomy of a Garden Trip – Wales/Cymru 2023
6 hours ago
I read "The Road" last year and found it so sad. I wish we had read the book the same time because when I was reading the book I had so many questions I would have liked to share.
ReplyDeleteYou are very strong & loving woman. It will be a difficult time as you approach the anniversary of the miscarriage. All I can do is say a little prayer for you and the little one you lost.