Swimming lessons

So I'm approaching another birthday, plus today is the anniversary of the miscarriage of Nicolas Miguel, who would be 6 years old today. It's definitely a time to reflect on losses. Today I was relaxing in the pool's jacuzzi before my laps and watched the babies and parents in a swim lesson. Looking at one infant I thought that my other unnamed baby would be about 6 months, maybe about his size. The pain was so sharp I thought I couldn't bear it. But I know I could, because I have. I thought of all the mothers who have lost children, in circumstances far more traumatic than mine.....Somehow that gives me strange comfort to know I'm not alone in such losses. Swimming is lovely, because you can cry and do laps without anyone taking notice.